A year ago today was a day that changed my life forever.
It started out as just another normal day. I worked during the day and had plans to go to Hobby Lobby to buy a lamp after work. My dad had been sick for a while and had been gradually getting worse. He was up at Mayo in Rochester again and having some more tests done so they could try to figure out what was wrong.
I hadn't heard anything from my mom all day about how things were going, which made me think the worst... I really didn't have any reason to think that, but I just had a bad feeling. We really hadn't gotten any
good news throughout the whole ordeal, but they still always told us that they had things to try to help him get better.
A little after 4 in the afternoon, I was talking with Trent on Google Chat and he said he was going to head home for the day. I told him I'd be there after work as soon as I went and picked up the lamp. He said "Can't we just go get it together? Just come home and and we'll go get it." I should have known something was wrong right then. Trent would NEVER volunteer to go to Hobby Lobby with me for any reason...
(My mom had already told Trent what they knew about my dad's diagnosis at this point)
After the work day was over, I headed home. The whole way home I just felt strange and scared. I was freaked out that my mom hadn't said anything to me all day and just had a bad feeling. I cried while I was driving home because I didn't know what to think... and I just wanted my dad to be okay and for all this to be over.
When I walked into the house, Trent was laying in the living room on the couch. He told me to come sit by him and asked me how my day was and things like that. He then said my mom told him to have me call her. It was then that my stomach started to hurt. I knew something must be very wrong.
We called my mom and talked to her on speaker phone she told me that they had diagnosed my dad with
Cruetzfeld Jakob Disease (CJD). I had never heard of it before, but it wasn't good - it was fatal. My dad was going to die.
I remember my mom telling me that I could look it up online to get the details but that basically it was a very rare, progressive disease and it affects the brain, turning it into a spongy-like consistency. His already deteriorating health would only continue until he would no longer be able to move, speak, or breathe... There was a lot of unknowns in what she was telling us... he could live for months or a year but we really had no idea...
We would spend the next four days up in Rochester at St. Mary's hospital with my dad before going back home for a few days and then spending five more days in and out of the nursing home room with him. It was just 12 short days total from the time we heard the letters CJD before he took his last breath...
All throughout the last year, every 25th of the month, it's been "My dad's been gone for two months now." ... "four months" ... "ten months" ... but nothing hurt more than getting to the days when it was "It's been one year since he told us he was sick" or "One year since the last time I saw him standing on his own" or "One year since he hugged me" and now today, "One year since CJD became such a large part of our lives"
I had a dream the other night with my dad in it. In the dream, he hugged me. It was one of his usual one-armed, side hugs (like the pictures above and below). Even with just one arm, his hugs were so strong and he'd hug so tight. My shoulder fit right under his arm like usual and my head could lay right on his chest. It was perfect.
I miss my dad every day. I miss his confidence, his wisdom, his quirkiness, his laugh.
I want it to be known that even though I remember these times and it makes me sad, I know this all happened for a reason. I trust God and His plan. Even though I could go through life thinking how unfair this all is and how bad things are, I just have to remember that I am not here on this Earth for me to have a great life with no hardships, I am here to further God's kingdom. If, through all this, my faith in God is strengthened and I grow closer to Him, and if my family and I can show our faith to others around us, then I believe that is a small piece of the purpose of this all. It is all about Him.
Right now, dad is up in Heaven. A place more amazing than any of us can even comprehend. What more could we want?
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