A 74 on REG

Sometimes, I just hate it when I'm right. Especially this time!

After taking my last CPA Exam test last Monday, the 13th, I had very little confidence in the chances of me passing. The whole thing was a blur and they were asking me things that I really wasn't expecting... So my hopes weren't really up when it came to score release day earlier this week... But still, that didn't make it any easier to see my score and see that it just wasn't quite good enough...

To be honest, I had moments where I was hopeful and thought that maybe, just maybe, I would pass and be on to taking my last test... I tried my hardest to keep those thoughts away because I didn't want to be super let down like I was the last two times, but as prepared as I was to not pass, it still stinks!

One thing I learned from not passing my first test was that I should never check my score while at work. After I had passed my first one, the thought of me not passing the next one really didn't cross my mind all that much. But then, when I thought my score might be out there that day, at about 4:00, I checked my score at work. And there it was. A big, fat, non-passing score. I was shocked! How could that be right?!? For the next hour of work, I had to do my best not to break down in tears at my desk. I had to do what I could to keep my mind off of it and went for a walk around the floor below where my desk sits. It wasn't until I got home that I just let it out and cried. That sucked.

The second test that I didn't pass, I should have been a little more prepared, but, again, I didn't think that could happen to me AGAIN. But, sure enough, it did. This time, there was no way I was looking at my score at work, so when I got home, I found out the news. Again, I was just kind of in shock. I was mad, embarrassed, disappointed, all that good stuff.

This time, I was certain there was no way I could pass (but deep down wished for a miracle). As much as I wanted to pass and get this crap over with, I knew that my chances were very slim. I watched the score release boards at Another71.com all day while I was at work and saw that scores were being released starting around 1 or 2 in the afternoon, so I knew that my score was probably sitting out there waiting for me to look at it. After I got home from work, I waited about a half hour before getting the courage to turn on my computer to look. Part of me never wants to look at my score because then the wishful thinking is over, then it's certain, then it's back to reality and back to studying. I was sitting at the kitchen table when I entered in my information. I put my hand over the part of the screen where the score would show up so it wouldn't surprise me and I could reveal it at my own pace. I pushed the "Score" button and slowly moved my hand down to show what it was... And there it was... A 74! Just 1 little itsy bitsy point away from passing!!! I just put my head down on the table and had an "are you kidding me?!" moment before I got up to tell Trent the news.

I really handled this one a lot better than the other two... How sad is it when you get used to failing!?! Even though I could have broken down and just cried, I didn't. I was sad. I was disappointed. But it just wasn't as much of a shock this time.

I was upset because of how close I was. Just thinking about how many multiple choice questions made up that one point that I missed passing by makes me feel the worst. I quite possibly could have passed if I had answered 1, maybe 2, more questions correctly or if I had gotten 2 more numbers correct in my Simulation questions... But I didn't get that upset because a part of me was okay with that score... I had thought that I could have gotten a score in the 50s or something horrible like that. And to be 1 point away means that I had enough base knowledge to get real close. I really don't even know what I would have done differently in my studying last time. Going into the test, I felt confident, I felt like I could handle the questions that they were going to ask me and pass this test. I can't say that I didn't study hard enough, because I did study hard. I spent at least 115 hours studying and I thought that knew what I needed to know... Now I just have to build on what I already know and get more into the detailed information. Hopefully that will help me to answer all those detailed questions correctly that had me thinking "What the heck is this?!" during the test. And hopefully next time passing won't be a problem.

I am planning on retaking the test on the first day of October (which is the first day that I am eligible to retake it in the new testing window). And hopefully that will be the end of it. I will then hopefully retake the other test that I have left in the end of November, but I will see how my studying is going, as I want to be confident about it before I try again. I think part of my problem with these tests has been my lack of ability to focus on my studying with so much other stuff going on around me. I want to be able to enjoy my time in our new house. I want to visit our family and have them come visit us. I want to hang out with my friends. I want to decorate our house and work on projects. I want to pass these freaking tests and just get on with it! I guess you can say that I just want it all... But I've been told that's kind of how I am... So, as much as I want to be done with the tests, I probably need to take my time with studying so I can still try to enjoy all the other things that are going on right now. I guess we'll see how everything goes over the next few months.

I hate how not passing these tests makes me feel. I honestly don't think I've ever failed a test in my life before this and now to have failed 3 times makes me feel horrible. I know that these tests are hard. I know that there's only like a 45% passing rate. But it's hard to not be in that passing group... I know (and hope) that when I do pass them all, it won't matter that I didn't pass them all the first time. Once I have it, they can't take it away from me (unless I commit tax fraud or don't file my taxes or become a criminal or something). I just have to finish what I started and get on with it. Looking at the big picture, this will just be a little portion of my life, even though it feels like I've been working on this FOR.E.VER! I just don't want to miss anything because I had to study for tests that I should have and could have been done with 2 months ago... But anyways... I can do this!